And then you see the results. The weather outside is lighter, and I feel more at home. The sun, like the sun of my early days of being alive, is landing on me. Through this window I watch out of, I can see the growth of trees that might have been just like me. Inside, there is another me attempting to duplicate the growth around me. However, what I find myself doing, is telling the growth inside of me to go its own way. There is no need to grow like the others. It’s hard though, because the spurts inside are looking for guidance, but there is none. There is no formula for growth. It is, I think at least (and what do I know as I’m just an avocado), a very natural act. We all grow. We all wait for growth. We all might attempt to control growth, but in the end, it just happens. However, my positioning is changing and the results of my patience seem to be paying off. Excited to see what happens next.
The winter was difficult without my skin, but now my season is approaching.
It seems that there are long stretches of life that these humans live while looking at the wrong thing. They’d been looking the entire time for a sprout on top, but really, it all happens below the surface. Myself, I’ve enjoyed not being photographed for awhile – it’s allowed for a very peaceful growth. I believe the temperature change has them looking underneath now. What has been amazing for me is to understand that there is future growth in myself without having to see immediate results. This has been the biggest shift. I’m happy though – happy that it’s happened like that. Happy that I am able to enjoy myself for the avocado I’ve become, not the one I was or the one I might be. Growing roots has taught me that. Very enjoyable. What’s even more exciting is that I’m splitting open. I am actually. There is a wider gap then before. How fantastic. I didn’t notice while it was happening. The water I have gotten use to, and the view is spectacular. I’m watching the squirrels move trough the world, eating the trees. Mostly though, I’ve come to some realizations. That’s always a good thing. Now, I must concentrate on growing, or at least knowing that I am.
Things are going okay. No skin, but I have something coming out of the top of my head. It’s something. Growth. We’re all obsessed with it I think – Avocados are very progressive in both our cooking possibilities and our ability to adapt to the world around us. My roots are taking shape, now it’s all about the chance to grow and if I can embrace it fully. I think so. They have placed some books for me to read in from of me, but I don’t have the ability to flip the pages. That’s fine, the cover is nice. Most people pick from the cover anyway. That’s a bit strange don’t you think? My new cut is affording me some room to grow. They seem concerned about the outcome, but the outcome has very little to do with my happiness. I can experience everything with much more lightness if I’m not worried about results. Still, I’d like to make it higher. We’ll see.
For sure I am upside down. They will realize soon. For now though, there are roots coming out of my head and a stem coming out of my bottom, which is my top. It’s fine. By the window, I can view the sunset that happens everyday and is free for all. Fantastic. I’ve been thinking more about my family lately and where I come from. If, somehow, we are all carrying around pieces of our past – every who existed before us is within us- and we are justing carrying out those traditions. Avocados before me have gone through what I’m going through – I’m sure of it. That’s fine. The fact that I’m here is proof that life goes on regardless of who we become. Life is organic and we are part of its science. That’s what I’m thinking these days as I wait for them to turn me over right side up.
Things are good and slow, and though not as much fun, I feel like I am turning more into myself than I had been in the past. It is an agonizing process to be in water so much, though I have a feeling things are not quite what they should be. I don’t have control of that now – a big hand comes and fills my water and looks to see what is happening, though I am not sure what is supposed to be happening. Spurts of growth are slow and come when I don’t expect them. I feel a need to be grounded, but still enjoy the liquidity of my present existence. The window is nice – and there is a cat across from me who watching birds and other little things running around. I watch as well, but unlike the cat, I am not mobile. Soon though, I feel I will be. My reality is within
The first few moments were frightening, but soon after, I had visions of what was going on. That somehow my destiny was starting to really show inside of me. In fact, the me that was out in the world, was now what was formerly inside of me. That makes me smile from within. I feel now that I am in a constant state of growth. Outside the window, I can see other plants are still waiting for their spurt, but that’s fine. I hear their voices carried over the wind and echoed on the rain, which drops as it has for longer than species like mine even existed. Maybe that’s happening to me: I’m getting back to the point of existence. For now though, I’m not going to think about suc things and I’ll enjoy the windowsill I now find myself on, here in Brooklyn. So far, it’s been a life full of birth, movement, games, fear and now the aftermath of all those events. How amazing that I’m here to see it. Yes. Though of course, I miss the warmth of my weight and am excited and nervous about the unknown. Perhaps the trees outside feel the same, though their language is tough to pick up. If I’m quiet, there could be a chance. Growing by letting go of what was.
At first, I was afraid when they came after me with the knife. The object looked intimidating and my fears crept up from deep inside of me. I screamed, but there was nobody around to help me. The first slice though, rather than hurting, felt like I was shedding weight from myself that I had been carrying. I thought the heaviness I always felt in life, what I thought I had to carry around with me, was really just excess bagage that I didn’t need. The sliced and scooped at will, and with each movement, I felt more like the self I was supposed to be. When done, though a bit wet and exposed, the world shifted again. It was me, the real me, hidden beneath layers of excess filling that I didn’t need. I wonder if others have so much weight that they feel is needed when they roll through life. Perhaps they do. I say to then, don’t fear getting rid of what you believe to be yourself. It may not be you at all. I can’t wait to see what happens next. My life, I think, truly begins now. I feel like there is more of me that needs to grow. Outstanding! I am FRANK!